your room smells of hookers.
And success
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
