Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
