Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just gift wrapped bread.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
