remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
