No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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