The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My liver just had a heart attack.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
