When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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