honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
