I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
