well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
