All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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