Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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