Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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