so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
