So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
