Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
