You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
