dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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