Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Are my feet made of real feet?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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