Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
