Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
