he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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