Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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