so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
