Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
