i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
