return my video game
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
false alarm, still single
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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