god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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