I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
