I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
