My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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