Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
