so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
