my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
