found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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