come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
