This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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