remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
