I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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