i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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