You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
