Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
