I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
