You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
