Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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