Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
