My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
