I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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