First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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