There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
