I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
