So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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