i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we're making bets on your personal life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
