i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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