Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
