I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
